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Confessions of a Professional Matchmaker
Don't make these mistakes when searching for love online! "I spent my life searching for the perfect woman. I finally found her but alas, she was searching for the perfect man." Anonymous I was a professional matchmaker for several years - trying to help singles meet others with whom they shared common interests and complementary personality traits. I met with my clients in person and they were screened to ascertain their real names, addresses, education, marital status. Most importantly, I tried to help them determine the type of person they were really seeking and that's where most of the problems arose. Even though my clients verbalized that they were happy to be matched based upon compatibility, this was not true! The major problems I encountered were: 1) A number of clients were seeking others mainly based on appearance. I would show each new client photos of existing clients based on their characteristics as well as their appearance. Unattractive people sometimes became offended when I matched them with their physical counterparts. A dowdy sixtyish woman asked me, "Is that what you think of me?" when I attempted to match her with men in her age and looks category. Many clients seemed to be totally unaware of how they looked to others and wanted matches that were highly inappropriate. With these people, compatibility had no bearing on their matches. They wanted the best looking people in my book! 2) Some clients refused to compromise - even when matched with someone they liked! I matched two extremely overweight people who liked each other immediately and went out on several dates. Before their last meeting for a Sunday movie date, the woman asked to meet at 7:00 pm instead of the 5:30 show. The man became annoyed, broke the date, and immediately ended their budding relationship. He, who was a part-time telemarketer, told me he needed time on Sunday evenings "to get ready for his work on Monday." Because she needed to reschedule their date, he was totally turned off to her regardless of his prior interest and their compatibility. 3) Others had a Wish List for their Perfect Person and expected me to find the person on that list for them. One divorced man in his late 30's expressed a desire for a woman who had a specific type of nose. (Really!) A never-married woman in her early 30's with pale blonde hair and very light skin wanted a man with very, very dark skin (but not an African-American), who earned at minimum $75,000 per year, was not in Sales, had never been married and had no children. I had twelve men who matched her description in my data base but she found something wrong with each one and refused to go out with any of them. She then complained about my service and was upset because she 'had not had even one date'. AARRGGHH!!! An Indian medical student saw her photo and was instantly smitten. They had many things in common and each was what the other was seeking. He was very excited about meeting her; however, before they met, he wanted a guarantee of a successful relationship which I of course could not give him. They never met and as far as I know, both are still single and searching..... My advice: Don't shoot yourself in the foot! If you are meeting a lot of people and just can't seem to connect, ask yourself if you really want a relationship. Are you ready and willing to be close with another person? If you constantly find fault with others, ask yourself these questions and be a bit more tolerant. Don't expect to find your perfect person because he or she does not exist. Be happy if you find Ms. or Mr. Almost-Perfect. Good luck! About The Author Terri Arnold (Spicy Grandma) has an MS in Counseling and has been a Psychotherapist for over twenty years. She also owned and operated a brick and mortar dating service for several years. Terri now invites you to visit her popular interactive and personalized 50+ dating community at http://www.spicy-senior-singles.com
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First Date Tips and Tricks 01/06/09
by: Marisa Pellegrino
The first date: what to wear, where to go, what to say, what to do and what not to do. All this pressure to make a good first impression can be daunting. After all, you know practically nothing about each other and the whole point of a first date is to judge (as much as we don’t like to admit it) whether or not we think we’d like to get to know each other better. But first dates don’t have to be elaborate or fancy in order for you to secure that coveted second or third date. There are some things you will want to do and others you will want to avoid on a first date to ensure its success and the possibility of future dates as well.
When it comes to dating, it seems everyone thinks they’re the expert to turn to for advice. Whether it’s your friends or your lovable aunts who constantly inquire about your love life, everyone has a dating tip for you. But we all know what to do on a date, don’t we? Always have a smile, listen attentively, be yourself, have fun, and the list goes on. So, if everyone knows the tips for successful dating, then why do we go through so much trouble and anxiety about first dates? Maybe it’s because there is no set standard of rules anymore.
Once upon a time, chivalry was the norm. Nowadays, some women get offended when the door is held open or their seat is pulled out for them. Consequently, many single people are at a loss when it comes to knowing what to do and when to do it. And while there may not be an ultimate list of shoulds and should nots, there are still some common dating tips that everyone can agree on.
In this world of women’s independence, many are taking it upon themselves to ask the man out. And why not?! It shows confidence and is a turn-on for many men. Keep in mind though, confidence is sexy, arrogance is a turn off.
Many people will have a different answer when you ask them their opinion on whether or not a kiss is acceptable on the first date. Maybe all you want to do is hold hands or snuggle and save the kiss for another date. It all depends on the chemistry between you and whether or not it feels right. And if it does, then go for it. Of course, if the date isn’t going well, feel free to end the date early with everyone’s favorite backup “emergency” phone call from a friend. Chances are if you’re not having a good time, neither is your date!
Hopefully, this has broadened your outlook on the world of “first dates”. The whole point of a first date is to figure out if you want to get to know the person better. Remember, when it comes to dating and tips, just follow your instinct and no matter the outcome, have fun, enjoy yourself, and relax.
About The Author
Marisa Pellegrino is freelance journalist and a writer for a Montreal radio show called Passion, a program about dating, relationships, and sex. She is also the writer/webmaster for Dating Ideas (www.dating-idea.com) a website with advice about dating and relationships.
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